I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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