Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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