So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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