i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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