I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
