just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
