i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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