You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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