Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
