Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
