also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
