if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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