Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
