I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think i have two assholes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
