No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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