my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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