hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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