capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
