At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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