Don't you send me to vm
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
