"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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