my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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