I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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