respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
