hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
