Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
