I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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