I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
