my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
