sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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