mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
