somebody snuck up and got me drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
