found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
