Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
