I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
