you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
