did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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