Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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