i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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