Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
