I heard we made out
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
