you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
