I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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