Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
