Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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