They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
