Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
