i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
