Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
