I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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