I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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