she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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