so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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