You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish you could order shots online.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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