Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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