You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
