i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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