is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
