She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do herpes really smell.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
