We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
