New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
