her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
