Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
