dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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