Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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