he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
