Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
