I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
